Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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