every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
