Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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