Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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