i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Please don't give away my fajitas
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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