Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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