She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
