She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
