only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
