and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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