I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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