I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
