I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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