I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
