I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
