I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
