Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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