Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
