Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
