that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
