Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
