So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
