good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
