Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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