You can't special order awesome
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
