i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
