And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
