can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
