I think I died a long time ago.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
