life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
