Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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