I think my fart just growled at me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
