woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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