No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
