the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
