somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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