I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
