I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
