If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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