Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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