do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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