Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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