you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Fuck appropriateness.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
