I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
