I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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