How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize