It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
