Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
