I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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