Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How does it feel to date your dad?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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