jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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