When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
