Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
