I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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