none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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