I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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