Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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