How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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