At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
