dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
