There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
