um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
