nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
