My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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