youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
