i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
