Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize