there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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