Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
id be glad to
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
