I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
