i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
