You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
