i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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