Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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