i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
