oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
